all talk, no chalk

so I have been challenged by THE LIAR to post everyday for one week. I know many of you are rolling your eyes and whispering 'longshot' as you sip your quad venti sweet and sour peking pumpkin spice sugar free half calf super foamy light but not too light whip extra mocha...mocha.

to go. in a double cup.

but seriously, I can do this. i'll probably start next week (monday, june 9, 2008) and victoriously end the following week. this is a good excuse to eat tons of pasta on sunday - maybe even buy a new computer, or i could hire a secretary.

IN CONCLUSION, i have some things i need to show you all - things that you probably don't even know exist in this world.

Korea Report

"With my audition over, I now have time to meet with old friends and see some sights" - and now it's been a month since I first wrote that.


The following isn't anything you blogstars haven't read before, but I too, am lazy and a procrastinator, thus leaving weeks between entries. The only difference here is that I won't apologize for it. I mean, why would I want a bunch of nerds reading stuff I'm not totally happy with? I'm doing this to impress you guys, get some phone numbers, maybe even set up a super coincidental celebrity encounter at a bar:

"You're that Ed guy with the blog? The one with the black background and run-on sentences? Buy me a drink and then take me home for some sweaty, spinning rotisserie chicken."


So, Korea. This was my third [or fourth] visit to the motherland (my memory is worse than the abandoned Iomega Zip Disk - I am having a difficult time absorbing my experience there, and I fear that words will not do justice in thoroughly communicating how my visit affected me. As a fan and promoter of clichés, I will go ahead and declare that I felt a true connection to the country. This has been the difficult aspect of my trip to put words to since my interpersonal encounters there were few and my Korean language skills are barely conversational. At the moment, I am left with the fact that this was the first time I felt like I [to some extent] looked like everyone else and just blended into the community. Growing up in the Midwest, I was the less "exotic" and more "different looking" kid who was good at math and obedient to his parents.


The classical music scene in Korea is highly competitive. I spoke to another trumpet player from France who currently holds the principal trumpet position of an orchestra in Taiwan. He told me that orchestras in Korea were supposedly the best in Asia due to the amount of money the country puts into the arts along with the number of Korean Juilliard graduates who return to the mothership. I also found out (from a different source) that the Shinsegae Orchestra (the best orchestra in Korea, formerly the KBS Orchestra) hold auditions every year for every position. EVERY YEAR! So there is no tenure or job security. There is also no such thing as a 60 or 70 year old violinist who looks comatose and is barely keeping up with the rest of the orchestra. Or an 80 year old trumpet player who held onto his job 30 years too long (53 years total) and missed one too many notes for my taste yet held onto the love and respect of trumpet players all around the world.


My audition was fine. I've realized that when I put the horn to my face, I will either play like I usually play, or I won't. This puts all or most of my performance outcome on my preparation and not on superstitions, human error, or Jesus. I think this also leaves open the fact that I can play extremely well, and it will not be "normal." So, I played like I usually play - the rest was up to the audition committee, and was out of my hands. I didn't pass into the next round.




This left me the rest of the trip to explore and eat. I ate about 5-6 meals per day and gained 11lbs. over the ten days of my stay. I found it very interesting how cheap the food was and how abundant food stands and restaurants are. I counted on the bus ride to the subway 24 food joints on one 1/8 mile block. Delicious.



I should preface that not everything in Korea is cheap. My mom was meeting with old friends from medical school and they all brought gifts and took us out to eat. They would take us to hotels or really high end restaurants serving non-Korean food. Gross. They paid $80 a head for a buffet at the Hilton by Namsan Tower. Cauliflower au gratin? Penne with tomato sauce? Needless to say, I went out again to eat [twice] after that dinner.


Korean gift giving is atrocious. Would you ever give an old friend [from high school] a $10,000 Swarovski diamond necklace? Or your high school friend's son a dress shirt or watch worth more than the clothes on his back (minus my jeans - my PBJs with age and my thigh imprints worth more than your car!)? And then would you take them out to a shitty Chinese restaurant (IN KOREA) that costs more than what I spend on food in two months? We were spoiled, no kidding, but I was still unhappy with it. Anyway, if you ever go to Korea, stick to Korean food and stay away from department stores - it's just not worth it [I say, as I rub the soreness this gold watch is placing on my supple wrist].




The coffee in Korea is much better now - Nescafe and instant "powder" coffee is out and extremely expensive coffee is in. I paid $12 for a fresh ground, personal drip coffee and it was good. Above is a roaster/cafe called Coffee Happy just outside of Seoul. The owner did his barista training in Japan and is all about the flannel drip coffee (pictured below).





So I'll end with a short list of what you should do if you ever make a visit to Korea with a snappy title.


"Things that all proper men should do when visiting Korea."

1. If you wear glasses, change up your lens or just buy another pair. With an Rx like mine, lenses in the U.S. cost me over $300 - after 2 years worth of scratches, I had them replaced in Myungdong for $40 - equal quality, if not better (i.e. thinner and less like coke bottles)

2. Buy a suit. Custom suits will cost no more than $500 (just stay away from department stores, where the prices are ridiculously expensive) and an off-rack is around $200. You shouldn't worry about looking square like most Chinese suits, these fits are so modern you could wear them in space

3. Repair your shoes - and don't pay more than $10.

4. Get some gnarley electronics in Yangson - most things can be bargained down to 30% cheaper than the best price you can find online.

5. Eat (and drink) a lot, for crazy cheap.



In other news, I just quit my job, like an hour ago.

the best part of waking up....

Ahh, raise your hand if you've had bad coffee. Keep your arm raised if you're consuming bad coffee at this moment.


Now put your arm down and dump out that coffee, dummy.


Remember the time when the good cartoons were broadcast on Saturday mornings? A time when Barney hadn't yet been brought back from extinction. Looney Tunes, Tom & Jerry, even Garfield. A time when it was acceptable for cartoon characters to emote through actions and not dialogue; classical music created the mood for each scene, followed by a long break; then Bugz dropped the funny. Remember that?


During this time, ground coffee commercials were run back-to-back: Folgers, Maxwell House, and Taster's Choice, among other Nescafé products. Large tin cans holding dry (i.e. oil-less), off-brown (but with an artificial sheen) coffee; it was usually odor-free until steeped with hot water.


Remember how the white male, wearing a Hanes white undershirt, slept in while his high school sweetheart housewife snuck out of bed to make coffee? She would take the tin can from their white, all-American kitchen cupboard and scoop a little dirty, brown callus rubbed off of someone's toe into the 1/8 cup measure and then place it in a filter. Of course, this is when the brown haired, ivy-league, cut male arose and took a deep breath of _________ and go downstairs for some coffee. Actually, I'll fill in the blank for you: loose stool.


Now, there is a clear exception to this, which is somewhat of a mystery to me. Diners. Especially greasy diners. Now, I have no idea what kind of coffee they use, and I admit that it isn't always good by itself - but after a late night of drinking [caffeinated soda while studying the Old Testament], it tastes great with some greasy eggs, bangers, and hash. Please take note - this does not weaken my original argument.


So, where does this leave us? McDonalds? Starbucks?


No.


As a barista and coffee "nancy," I ask you not to take your business to Starbucks. If you like your coffee hot and fast, then please go to McDonalds or "push-button" Starbucks. If you drink coffee, espresso, and espresso drinks for the actual flavors, I ask you to try to visit a real, usually local, café.


Now, I can't guarantee that this coffee is going to be exceptional; actually, it could end up being quite bad. If you want to find great coffee, find it here. I admit, the site isn't fully updated, but hopefully with more clicks and some time, it can become an actual resource to find good coffee.


If you find yourself in Wisconsin, I would check out Alterra or Café Soleil. A Madison (WI) standout is Bradburys, using beans from Viroqua, WI - all local and delicious. New York is proudly home to great cafés like Ninth Street Espresso and Café Grumpy while Brooklyn represents Gorilla Coffee and Gimme Coffe, to name a few. Intelligentsia is a shop with locations in L.A. and Chicago and offers an explosion of flavor - their Blackcat espresso is butters.


So, take a little time and effort to find the best cup for you. If you're afraid of a straight ristretto doppio (a double espresso - notice how I spell "espresso" - that is the way it should also be pronounced, not like an idiot-coward "exprexxo"), you shouldn't be. But if you're not convinced, try a macchiato - probably the best drink on this planet, when made correctly.


To all the café owners reading this: Please train your baristas. Also:
1) Start pulling standard ristrettos
2) Toss the Rancilio and purchase a Syneso or La Marzocco
3) Consider a triple-basket portafilter (without spouts)
4) Keep your artificial flavor list at Cocoa - customers who drink Vanilla-Carmel-Strawberry Lattes don't tip
5) No Half-caf - and once your shop is making some serious money - no decaf


Oh, if you want to act a fool and skip doing the dishes, check out this tomfoolery.


So give that 5-year old, unopened tin can of Folgers to the food pantry and visit your local café - if it's not good, then do some research and next time you're in a major city or a coffee city (Seattle or Portland), give it another shot. Also, even if your drink is bad, you should remember to tip your barista. And if your drink is good, you should get another one and tip more.


In conclusion,

TIP YOUR BARISTA.